Chillhop Among Other Things

Ever heard of Chillhop or Jazzhop? Until about three days ago, I'd never even heard of it. Now it's currently the music of my dreams at work. Think of jazz piano and other relaxing music paired with a light hip hop beat. I love it because the mixes I've found don't just have songs in them. They're all faded into one another and it helps the time go by faster because I'm not marking my day by three to four minute songs for hours on end and I only have to load up a new mix every hour or so. I've even found Miyazaki and Cowboy Bebop tribute mixes. It's wonderful.

Outside of finding new music, though, things are shifting. I recently started a new self-improvement course online and it's really making me think about the way that I approach myself and a lot of the situations that I'm in--and I'm only four hours in out of fifty-two. I'm already becoming more mindful of myself and my actions after just a few hours which is really encouraging for me. Now I just need to figure out the rest of my life. Maybe this will spill over? (Finger's crossed.)

There are definitely things that I need to work on and get motivated to do right now, though. Exercise being the number one thing. My moods have been my sullen recently and I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not out moving and enjoying any of San Diego's beautiful weather. I also have a gym membership that I never use. I could be using my time more wisely, wake up in the morning maybe twenty minutes earlier and do a quick full body workout before heading into work. We do have room in our office for me to do that, so it's all a matter of wanting to. For the last few weeks I've been staying up later than I should be, so I'm not waking up feeling rested, but if I stuck to my guns and actually got to bed on time, I bet that I could get into a routine of quickly working out in the morning and starting each day on the right foot.

 Another habit I feel I might need to work on is my thinking about money. Husband and I are very fortunate in that we're financially stable and able to build up some wealth, but I think about money a lot. I'm constantly asking myself if there's more we can do. Can we pay off the mortgage any faster? How can I put more away toward retirement? Am I putting all of our money into the right place? Even now as I'm writing this, I've got another tab open to calculate how much interest our savings account could be making over the next few years. Sometimes I feel like I'm obsessed with nickel-and-diming our way to wealth. Right now we're lower-middle class. I'm not sure that we'll ever get above middle-middle class, but it's one of those things were I just really want to succeed. I want to pay our mortgage off as fast as possible. It's a daily ritual to try and find a new and better way. I know how much we pay on our house each month by heart and since I'm getting a raise on this month's paycheck I've been strategizing on the best way to utilize this extra bit of new money for weeks. I'm to the point where I'm wondering is this is healthy, but the thing is that I get enjoyment out of playing with all the calculators and what ifs. And then there's the fact that Hubby could be up for a big promotion in the new few weeks which would significantly impact our bottom line.

Last week, Husband's mentor contacted him about a new position that is coming down the pipeline really, really soon. It hasn't officially been announced, but it would be a sixteen hour per week position that would decrease Hubby's at home workload and increase his pay effectively by $800-900 per month. We're really hoping that he gets it, because it would almost double one of his current paychecks. And let's face it. You can put $5500 into a Roth IRA each year per person. If you put $918 per month into that Roth IRA, you max it out each year. So we're talking about that much take home money per month--our entire retirement contribution. That would free up our current retirement contributions so that we could put it toward traveling or the house or just into regular savings. It's a huge deal, so we're really hoping that he gets the position. It would be a total life changer. (See what I mean about the money thing?) Anyway, we're keeping our fingers crossed, but trying to keep realistic expectations. Everything will happen as it should, but we're really hoping that this one comes through for us.

Tidying Up

Since 4/10s started for me this year at work, Hubby and I have been trying to make an effort to get the house back in order. Up until yesterday, we had wedding boxes in our dining room still. I think we managed to organize something like ten boxes worth of stuff since Thursday night and the house looks so much better as a result. The back wall of the dining room and the living room definitely need work, still, but the house looks so much better.

And the truth of the matter is that when the house looks better, Husband and I feel better, too. Even just getting some of the dining room cleaned out made a huge difference in how we feel at home. I'm less anxious than I was previously and I'm really enjoying the sense of accomplishment that is stemming from the fact that we're finally getting the house back together. When we first moved in almost a year ago (WOW!), we made a point of tidying up every single weekend and our house always looked really good, but then wedding prep ramped up and our entire routine got turned on its head.

Since we've gotten back from the Bahamas, though, I feel like we've reset and we're ready to go after our goals with gusto again. I'm back on the get-healthy-lose-weight band wagon, and since we got back from our vacation two weeks ago, I've managed to lose the five pounds that I gained while we were there. I've got about twenty-four more pounds to go, but at this rate, I should almost be to my goal weight by the end of the year.

Overall, everything the world is just so interesting to me right now. And it's exciting. Yes, I acknowledge that I am having massive doses of stress and anxiety that rock my world and I also acknowledge that most of those situations are arising at work, but in the grand scheme of things, life is good right now.

Husband and I are spending lots of quality time together and we're actually relaxing for the first time at home in a long time. It's fantastic. I've also begun to cook at home more and I've set a goal for myself to only eat our once a week from now on. According to Hubby the other day, I've only been cooking dinner at home" two to three times a week" for the last few months. That's not okay with me, mostly because of the cost, but also because of how unhealthy it is. And the fact is, I'm a decent cook. It isn't like we're living on Cheerios and Hamburger Helper, so we don't need to eat out. Last night I made 'salsa chicken' rice bowls and we feasted like (healthy) royalty*. I can't wait to explore some of the other new recipes I found this week and see how they turn out. Poor Husband is my guinea pig, but he's been nothing, but awesome about it.

* Recipe review coming soon.

What A Day

We're on a 4/10 work schedule right now, so today is my Friday--and thank goodness for it. Today has been a whirlwind. It's the last day that our office is open before a huge deadline and we've gotten nothing but call after call after call asking "Is my stuff sent? It's not showing up." It seems like everyone I've talked to today is frantic in some way and the emotional contagion has really affected me. We had an individual whose records were being held incorrectly, too, and it was an absolute fiasco trying to get it fixed, an all day affair that my supervisor and I have been trying to deal with since something like 11:00am this morning. And the issue wasn't even our office's fault. It was another department that royally messed up. All I can say is that I am so grateful that today is my Friday. I have no idea what I'll be doing this weekend, but at least I'll have some time to decompress. Between deadlines and projects at work and emotional situations at home, I'm just pooped and my confidence is just shot.

I'm at a point where I'm functioning, but I'm not thriving. I'm able to get to work and cook dinner and do the day-to-day things, but  my relationship with Husband is having some rocky bits. Please don't get me wrong, we're getting along really well and we have an extremely close friendship, but right now I'm having issues communicating how I'm feeling and expressing what I need. And when I do and I try and be proactive to help things, I just feel like an absolute failure. Thank god Husband is my anchor or I would have drifted away already. He doesn't know this (or if he does he's trying to give me privacy with it), but last night after a really bad attempt at trying to make things better I just gave up. I had managed to get myself into the shower and bathed and whatever, but afterward I just couldn't bring myself to face him. I was too ashamed, so I just curled up in a ball on the shower floor and laid there until I realized that I still had chores to do around the house. If I didn't do them, then I was just going to suffer for it later, so I had to basically pull myself up by my bootstraps and try to carry on. I am so ashamed and so insecure with some of the things going on in my life right now, though, that I'm just a wreck on the inside.

The only thing that I feel like I've got down really well right now is the fact that I have meals planned out for the next week or so and overall the meals are pretty healthy. I think part of the reason I'm feeling so bad right now is because I've let my weight creep up again and it's really affecting how I look and think about myself, so I'm actually doing something about it which is making me feel much more empowered. I haven't been perfect about it, but I have been logging my food and when Husband and I went grocery shopping last night, we bought a ton of healthy foods--lots of fruits and veggies. Today I was able to resist temptation by going out to a potluck and not eating anything bad. I came back with some cherry tomatoes and baby carrots, but no dip, so it felt really good. And the control freak in me is grateful to have something to hold onto. Tonight, I have no idea what I'm going to make for dinner, but at least I know that when I go home I'll be able to whip up something without too much trouble. This weekend I'm hoping to try a new crockpot recipe, too, so that should make things easier food-prep wise should I need the break.

For now and this evening, though, my plan is to just try and relax. If that means hiding in the bedroom all evening while I read, then so be it. Husband is one of my top priorities, but if I'm not taking care of myself then I have no idea how I'll be able to support him. He's put himself up for a new job, by the way and if all goes well then our lives could be changed pretty dramatically for the better. I'll post more when I have more information, but just wanted to put it out there.